64 things Bella Cullen must remember not to do
by Serenissime
Summary: This was inspired by indifferent child of earth's Emmett lists. She's way funnier than me, but I think I did a pretty good job. Edward and Jasper make a list about what she's not allowed to do when Bella's bored.


64 things that Bella Cullen must remember not to do

1. Sob hysterically and hide in closets telling anyone who tries to talk to her that she is still "healing" over Edward's leaving her

2. Put tampons in any of the Male Cullens bags and booby trap them so they'll rip in public

3. Put Nair in Jasper's shampoo

4. Change Edward's volvo radio channels all to Annoying Salsa music sung in chinese

5. Tell tourists that Jack the ripper massacred the entire high school class in a creepy voice

6. Whenever the Cullens go to a new town, sob to the School guidance counselor about how Edward doesn't love her as much as his Volvo

7. Trap hamsters in a lunchbox with fake fangs and capes on them and put the lunchbox in Rosalie's backpack 8. Screech when Rosalie opens said lunchbox and scream "ROSALIE EATS HAMSTERS! HELP! SAVE ME"

9. Re-enact Romeo and Juliet OR Titanic in the school cafeteria

10. Whenever Students call attention to the fact that the Cullens don't eat Tell a convincing sob story about how she begs them not to ruin their lives.

11. by saying that they have anorexia or bulimia

12. Run through the Cullen's house screaming "THE VOLTURI ARE COMING, THE VOLTURI ARE COMING"

13. Pledge her undying love to Emmett in front of Edward

14. Tell Alice that all the malls in the world are closing down.

15. Write (in blood red) on the walls of the Cullen house "I VONT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD"

16. Put flyers up with pictures of Emmett naked.

17. And write "contact Bella Cullen if you have seen this man" on the flyers.

18. And put little hearts around Emmett's name.

19. Smear blood all over herself and play dead around Renesmee

20. Scream about how Edward won't kiss her in a very discreet area of her body because her is a prude

21. Ask Alice very sincerely why her favorite Prada heels are gone

22. Tell the police that Carlisle raped her so dramatically they have a 50% chance of believing her

23. Spray paint Edwards piano.

24. Or draw on said piano with lipstick.

25. And say the Edward in her head made her do it.

26. Claim that Aro Volturi is a pervert and makes porn out of Vampires sex lives in front of the entire Volturi guard

27. Bedazzle Jasper's pants so they say "I'm more in touch with my feminine side than most guys"

28. Shriek and pretend that Jasper felt her up in public

29. Pretend she is Buffy the Vampire slayer.

30. Or Xena, warrior princess.

31. Try and Stake Esme

32. Throw Holy water at Rosalie

33. Steal an Axe and threaten to decapatate Alice

34. Smear soot on her face and Blood in her hair.

35. And call 911.

36. When the police arrive scream that Alice did it.

37. Smear onions on her teeth and shriek in terror when Edward won't kiss her

38. Tell Charlie that Carlisle got her pregnant

39. Tell Jacob that Renesmee is secretly dating Embry behind his back.

40. And that Embry is going to kill her the first chance he gets.

41. Then say in an evil voice "if he hasn't done it already!" and laugh manically

42. Talk on the school's PDA about how she walked in on Rosalie and Emmett or Jasper and Alice when they were having a "private moment"

43. Moan Jasper's name when Edward is around

44. Moan Emmett's name when Edward is around.

45. Graffiti Alice's porsche

46. Replace Edward's Debussy CDs with proffessional yodelers CD's

47. Scream "ALICE DID IT!" whenever someone talks to her

48. Make a scene in public like Edward broke up with her

49. Fill Carlisle's stock of blood bags with vodka

50. For revenge whenever Alice takes her shopping bedazzle "My butt is the property of Edward Cullen" on her jean pockets.

51. And whenever Alice doesn't notice start crying in school about how Alice betrayed her by going out with Edward

52. Dress up as Rosalie and when asked about it say that Rosalie had been having an idedntity crisis

53. When asked who her role model is she is not allowed to say St Marcus

56. Blurt out the square root of Pi whenever asked to do her homework

57. Randomly scream "I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL" to Carlisle

58. Whenever Edward refuses to do IT with her tell everyone that Edward is a prude.

59. Or had a gay relationship with Emmett before he went out with her.

60. Steal government property to get Emmett in trouble

61. Hide a box of Condoms in Alice's bag and split the bag's seam in front of a lot of boys

62. Bury Edward's favorite CDs in the woods

63. Laugh manically whenever someone says her name

" Well, that should keep Bella out of our hair for a while." Edward said in satisfaction, showing the list to Jasper. "She really buried your CDs?" He asked. When Edward nodded there were scre-  
ams that sounded something like "MEATBALL FIGHT!" in the kitchen and Edward and Jasper sighed, writing one more thing on the list before hanging it up next to Emmett's.

64. Use meat in improper ways such as having a meatball fight


End file.
